Here is an entertaining tale of my dramatic near death battle with my arch nemesis: A large mass of terrifying liquid that calls itself 'The Ocean'
Now, for someone who has grown up on the seaside, one would think that The Ocean and I would be firm friends, old buddies, playful pals, but for a longtime now The Ocean has tried to intimidate me with its old tales of its power and ferocity, and its strange non friendly inhabitants.

Deciding to tackle my fears head on I put on my figurative brave boots and headed out to try my luck at the sport that attracts people from lands far and wide. Calling like a flame to a moth, they flock to explore and experience the waves of wonder in the art of surfing.

Mini body board and flippers in tow, off I headed to a point called 'the outsides' in Gurupuk. Despite the strange mythical language: 'time the sets' , 'is it a right or left footer' , 'did you see him drop in?' & its uniform of board shorts, long hair and sunblock; it honestly didnt look that hard to master the gist of it.

'Right, so I gotta paddle out, look for a wave and slide down it whilst floating on my board?' (which is basically like an oversized float board like the ones they give you when you learn to swim).

Confidently I set off with visions of looking like a hot surf chick impressing the all the buff surf dudes with a hair flick and a wink as I glide gracefully down the arc of crashing water...

Tra la la la, paddle paddle, warm sunshine on my back, wondering how long I have to wait for my surf experience to begin? I glance behind me and WTF?!! A wall of water looking menacing and unforgiving is rapidly approaching like a steamtrain on a murder mission. SHIT i think, run Tanya run, as fast as you goddamn can. Except my tiny rubber band girly non guns are betraying me, the water is catching up with a wicked smile on its crooked mean face.
I barely have time to flash my short life before my eyes when I feel it grab my shoulder with an incredible force and take me down with the speed and power of a bulldozer smashing a building to pieces. WO HA HA laughs my nemesis as it tumbles me like a feather in a washing machine, and I can feel the wave beating relentlessly down on me, Im a ragdoll of its mercy.

Then... suddenly I break the surface... omg thank the Lord and Jesus Christ himself! Im alive! I made it! My triumphant elation lasts all of about 5, maybe only 3 seconds, and before I am even able to work out what the sodding hell just happened, its happening again, Im being driven under by a huge mass of over energetic water, determined to make me dizzy in its wake whilst proving to me who is boss and daring me to doubt it again.

Pathetically I emerge clinging on to my oversized float like it is the long lost love of my life. Panting and feeling my heart beat with such pumping power that I wonder if it is that itself that is causing the waves?

Too exhausted and terrified to be ashamed at my piss poor efforts, I use my last reserves to paddle with all the strength of a decrepit 90year old to the boat so that I can be dragged onboard to recover. I congratulate the ocean on its ass kicking abilities, and secretly vow for a rematch (on a day when its feeling less aggressive perhaps) so that I can continue to learn the craft so many make look effortless and enjoyable.

Tx