An event planning friend of ours recently had a last minute star fangled idea that what he was missing to wow the socks off of his corporate clients was a sh*t tonne of Koi carp. A trip to the pet shop and several thousand dollars later, he had a fully stocked fish bar that would suitably excite the eyeballs of the grey suited men at their annual shindig.

THEN we learnt the terrible news that these newly rehomed fish were to be cruelly tossed out on to the street (maybe even literally). The manfriend launched an immediate rescue plan and, accompanied by my squeals of despair, the fish were safely relocated to a half way home, namely a large bucket on the balcony.

Without pond, we could merely offer our foster services to these poor, helpless, cold blooded souls. The search was on for a suitable match and we launched an appeal to our friends blessed enough not to be living inside a cardboard box built for midgets.

Alas! A short while later, a local rock god answered our plea for assistance and signed up to adopt the golden scaly creatures. They would roam free in a luxurious pond in the unpolluted lands of Clearwater Bay. We congratulated one another and foresaw the imminent karma that would be bestowed upon us.

BUT THEN [cue sudden change of background music to creepy sad tones of woe] I began to suspect something was amiss as I ascended the staircase and my nostrils were assaulted with the strong stench of our fishy friends. Building courage to confirm what I knew in my heart to be true, I crept hesitantly towards the big red bucket to see

THIS…


A sad twisted aquarium version of apple bobbing. Yet again, we had failed a small creature :(
Filled with sadness I slowly prepared a temple of rest for those cruelly taken by the persistent ever present reaper of PET DEATH.



One small Nemo miracle twist of fate did occur as I emptied the bucket of slimy fishy death juice... a small glimmer of gold that was moving, yes MOVING! A lone survivor. Despite being a carp of limited cognitional capacity, I still felt sorry for it having spent the best part of its day swimming amongst its dead friends. I immediately launched rescue PLAN 2.
Lets cross our fingers for a full rehabilitation...


RIP may the great pond in the sky be filled with happiness.